Every Day A Holiday!

The 2009 Japan Times column below is dated Jan. 10th, but was supposed to run three days earlier, on Jan. 7th. Here's what happened.

I always submitted several finished columns at once and let my editor publish them up according to the paper's schedule and needs.

Except for this one.

This one I targeted specifically for Jan. 7th, due to the timing of what was then the column's opening joke. Here is my memory of the email exchange with my editor:

"You must assure me, without fail, that this column will absolutely run on Jan. 7th, with 100% certainty, and no mistake whatsoever. I beg you."

Her instant response: "No need to beg. I will, without fail, absolutely run this column on Jan 7th, with 100% certainty, and no mistake whatsoever. Consider it done."

Only she forgot.

I woke up on Jan. 7th to a frantic email of apology. Lucky for her, it was "Be Kind to Editors Day." She rescheduled and I did a quick rewrite, adding that pinch of salt and so on, with the final product being what you see below. Which then ran on Jan. 10th.

There is no "Be Kind to Editors Day," but there should be. They do hard work and the good ones are priceless. Scheduling goof aside, this editor was one of my best.

The column also had a different finish in 2009, when I ended with a link leading to a site with the entire Japanese commercial holiday calendar. Alas, that 2009 link now leads nowhere.

My title: Every Day a Holiday! My editor's try is just below.

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There's a Day for Everything

Jan 10, 2009

Today is Jan. 10^th. Japan has wound down its holiday celebrations and is now settling in for another hard year of work, work, work.

Not me. For a peek at the calendar shows there is always another holiday right around the corner.

Take tomorrow for example. It's "Salt Day!" Named as such from back in the 1500's, when a Japanese warlord heard his enemy was low on salt and kindly sent him some, salt in those days being as valuable as money.

With enemies like that, who needs friends? So tomorrow take life with a grain of salt and remember even your fiercest foe has to eat. They'd probably like a drink too. Here's toasting to bad blood everywhere.

In like manner, the Japanese calendar is salted with weird and wacky days from start to finish. Many of these have commercial angles, while others focus on public awareness.

And some are just nuts.

Still, I would much rather be nuts and celebrate than work, work, work.

Take Jan. 7 for example. That was national "Nail Clipping Day," my personal favorite, which I celebrated in due fashion. Too bad it comes but once a year.

What follows then is my patchwork primer on the lesser holiday highlights of 2009. If you party properly, you need not work till 2010. When you can celebrate all over again.

Jan. 15 — Strawberry Day. Like many special calendar days, Strawberry Day was derived by playing with Japanese sounds. Strawberry growers chose the 15th day because the Japanese word for strawberry, ichigo, can also represent the numbers one (ichi) and five (go). (Days that follow with similar word/sound links are designated with an asterisk. Or at least those that I could figure out.)

Feb. 1 — Odor Day.* Sponsored by companies that wish for an odor-free world. Smells fishy to me. Otherwise, private odor celebrations are best kept that way.

March 3 — Ear Day.* Hear, hear! It's time to honor your ears. Crank up the

band, blare some trumpets and bang a few cymbals. Then head to the ear doctor.

March 8 — International Wives Day. Note that there is no "International Husbands Day." But many such men had their fling on Odor Day, like me.

March 9 — This is a trifecta of holidays, with "Escalator Day," "Barbie Doll Day"

and "Thank You Day*" all celebrated at once. Ride an escalator with Malibu Barbie. Hold her up to the crowds and squeak, "Thank you everyone! Thank you!" Is this a great holiday or what?

April 4 — Yoyo Day.* Sometimes I think my entire life is a yoyo trick, one where I keep tripping over the line. On this day, I celebrate all those falls.

April 10 — Wife Day. What the hell? Wives get two days!?

April 11 — Guts Pose Day. "Guts pose" is a Japanese-English term that refers to a gesture of victory. So strike a pose for every little triumph. Find an open seat on your commuter line? YESS! Both fists in the air!

April 15 — Helicopter Day. Helicopters have earned this day for the cool sound their props make when taped and played back at slow speeds.

May 3 — Garbage Day.* Produce or distribute -- all may celebrate as they see fit. Me, I sit and write this column.

June 1 — Gum Day. Also my wife's birthday. Guess what she gets.

June 4 — Bug Day.* Note there is no

Husband's Day.

June 17 — Belt Day. On this day, fathers give their sons a good belt. A tender

sight that: a young boy and his belt.

Aug. 7 — Nose Day.* Celebrated by giant floats of mucus.

Oct. 18 — Frozen Food Day. Note there is no Husband's Day.

Nov. 1 — Dog Day. Yes, now every dog has one. Or more than one, as there is also Pet Dog Day back on May 12. Meanwhile, Cat Day is Feb. 22.*

Nov. 3 — Godzilla Day. Godzilla has earned this honor for all the times he's flattened Japan. Oddly, this is also "Japanese Culture Day."

Nov. 8 — Cutting Tool Day. My favorite? Hmm. While I'm fond of diamond drills, I think I'll go with a cheese cutter. After all, "Cheese Day," is dead ahead, on Nov. 11.

Nov. 10 — Toilet Day. Well-known and well-celebrated, with some being fuller of the holiday spirit than others. But did you know this is also "Elevator Day?" And "Hand Cream Day?" Another noble trifecta.

There are many more. Like "Allergy Day" (Feb. 20), "Shoe Day" (March 15), "Rubber Day*" (May 6; referring to the compound, I think, not the product) "Ham Day*" (Aug. 6), and "Vegetable Day*" (Aug. 31), to name a few.

As if there could ever be enough holidays. Keep up your calendar ready!

And enjoy.

Husband Day!

© Thomas Noah Wood

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